What is Wrong With You?

I ask myself a lot of questions throughout the course of a day; but, the one I ask most often is, “What the hell is wrong with you?” I am almost always referring to something I have eaten or reacting to seeing myself in the mirror.

I know that I am responsible for every pound on this body. There is nothing to blame for how I look and feel except for eating too much and not exercising. I know I’m supposed to be all body confident and positive, that I’m supposed to love myself just as I am…but I can’t right now. That’s not how my brain is working right now.

Right now I am mad at myself for letting the weight rush back. It didn’t creep, it fucking rushed. I’m pretty sure my superpower is gaining weight. So I ask myself over and over, “What the hell is wrong with you?” I never have the answer. Never.

Racism and Listening

I’ve spent a lot of the last year reading and listening about racism. I’ve had conversations with people I respect and whose views and perspectives on race come from personal experience.

Before the last year and a half or so, I thought I understood what my friends who have been impacted by racism were going through. I’m a liberal woman with friends of many ethnicities, gender identifications and other “I’m super not racist and totally understand what my friends are facing” categories. I question my thinking and ask other people to call me on bullshit if I say or do something that makes them feel badly or isn’t in line with how they know I want to live. I thought I got it.

And then I read a post by my friend, Amiyrah Martin that punched me in the gut. She was writing in response to the verdict in the George Zimmerman murder trial. I read her post and then couldn’t get it out of my head. Amiyrah and I have sons the same age. From her writing, I can tell that we are trying to raise them with an emphasis on respect, honor, empathy, good manners and laughter.

Here’s why Amiyrah’s post hit me the way others haven’t. I thought that the conversations about how to act when confronted by police were for the generations before ours. I didn’t think that a child born to a peer, born the same year as my son, would ever have to hear that warning. Because except for the respect for authority part of the conversation, I can’t imagine ever having to have that conversation with my children. The fact that someone who is so much like me in so many ways, who has a boy who could be my boy, has to teach her son how to avoid attracting the attention of police reduced me to tears. Amiyrah’s post made me connect with how big racism still is in a powerful way.

I have been listening to a lot of very smart people this last year, and I plan to continue to listen. Kelly Wickham has written so much that I’ve been listing to, but you should read this one especially. I’ve been grateful for our conversation and for the thousands of words she’s written on the topic of racism.

I’d rather talk about it here and now than to know that my friends are talking to their children about how to avoid getting harassed, arrested, or shot.

In addition to Kelly and Amiyrah, you should also listen to A’Driane Nieves who is wickedly smart and passionate about many things including racism, mental health, and access to excellent education for everyone.

I’m listening to these women, who else should I be listening to?

 

 

 

Martha Speaketh Weeketh! Talking Dogs Are the Best Dogs

Martha Speaks was fun for the whole family (Lemmon included!)

We’re a PBS-loving family. We devour everything from documentaries, news programs, cooking shows, home improvement, and art to the kids programming. I love sharing favorites like Seasame Street with my kids, and discovering new-for-us shows like the Wild Krats and Martha Speaks. The week of June 16-20, 2014, is Martha Speaketh Week which culminates with […]

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My Life List

I like lists a lot. I like to mark items off my lists so much that if I do something that wasn’t on the list I will sometimes add it retroactively just so I can mark it off. It is possible I have a problem. Anyway…I’ve been thinking of what I want to do in […]

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Review and Giveaway: Tickled Pink Paper + Ink

Acrylic paint also worked well and did leave huge puddles of paint on the card

If you know me or have read my posts about scrapbooking, you know I love paper and ink. Like, I might need an intervention, I like it so much. Anyway, I’ve seen a company around Facebook the last couple of years called Tickled Pink Paper and Ink and found someone after my own paper-loving heart. […]

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Who Needs Hair Anyway?

Oh, wait, I do. If you’ve had a baby, you will know what I’m saying when I tell you that I’m in full-on, postpartum hair loss. If you haven’t had a baby…surprise! After you have a baby, you lose a significant chunk of hair. Of course everyone is different, but I get a real-life bald […]

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Best Laid Plans: Postpartum Edition

I was really prepared this time. I knew the signs of postpartum depression, I know my own triggers for anxiety, and I know how I deal with both. I had plans in place to stay healthy after I gave birth because I didn’t before. This time would be different. I took good care of myself […]

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More For 39!

It’s my birthday you guys! Today I’m 39 and am a little startled that I’m beginning the last year of this decade. I just don’t know how the last years have gone so quickly. I want to make sure I make the most of the year before I begin a new decade. I want more […]

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Pregnancy Update: Grow, Baby, Grow!

You may remember that I’ve been taking it easy because there has been some restriction in the umbilical cord to the baby. This can lead to growth restriction which could lead to having to take the baby early if she weren’t getting enough blood/oxygen. We found this out four weeks ago, so William took over […]

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Pregnancy Update: Keeping Us On Our Toes

This baby? She’s keeping us on our toes, y’all. When I was pregnant with N and T, I worried about normal things like birth defects, pre-term labor, whether they’d have two heads, you know the normal stuff. I also worried about the effects of gestational diabetes since I had the condition with both boys. I […]

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