I am thankful for knowledge. Even though I knew what he wanted, and even though I knew that there was only brain stem activity still going, when I asked that Mark be removed from life support, a part of me worried that he heard me. That he heard me say, “Take him off of life support.” And that when he heard me say that he screamed inside his head, “No! I’m still here! Don’t let me die!” For almost five years I have worried about that.
But then I decided to ask for clarification, even if it confirmed my fears. I asked my friend, who is a nurse who works with patients who have brain trauma, how Mark’s brain would have been working at the time I had him removed from life support. Armed with that knowledge, I feel better. I’m sure I will still have doubts sometimes, but for now I am better.
I am thankful for knowledge.