Let me tell you about the time Tobin was a demon ghost. But first, three things: (1) While most of our master bathroom is spacious, the toilet is in a really small water closet. It’s so small that when you’re sitting on the toilet, the doorknob is right at your ear; (2) I like watching ghost stories. However, I am always spooked for weeks after I watch them (especially if they’re good ones); and, (3) I have to sneak away to go to the bathroom, or Tesla will need to be in the tiny water closet with me. It’s not conducive to bodily functions, you know?
Knowing all that, let me tell you about the time Tobin tried to kill me when he turned into a demon ghost. One day, I caught William’s eye and gave him the signal. No, not that signal, the signal that told him I needed to go to the bathroom and it was time for him to distract the kids so I could sneak away. He did and I ran.
Because Tesla is smart, when she looks for you in the bathroom, she looks under the door for feet. But I’m smart too, and put my feet up on the wall in front of me. Sometimes I even hold my breath so she doesn’t hear me. This is not my first rodeo you guys.
So I’m sitting in the tiny closet, thinking about the last scary movie I watched and wondering if my house is haunted (I don’t think it is…), and holding my breath. It’s hot in the water closet because there’s no vent in there. It’s not the most comfortable place to contemplate whether the sounds you hear at night are a demon lying in wait or just the air conditioning kicking on.
Tesla had already made one pass at the door, I know because she was calling for Mommy and she put her fingers under the door. I thought the danger had passed. It was quiet. Then I hear the demon ghost whisper in my ear, “I’m huuuuungry.” I was so startled that I slammed my fist against the door and yelped a little. Maybe a lot. I yelped a lot. My hand hurt because I hit the door so hard. And Tobin, my very sweet and apparently hungry child, ran crying from the bathroom because I scared him so badly. Because I thought he was a hungry demon. What else would a hungry demon whisper in your ear if not, “I’m huuuuuungry”?