Autumn & Donating Organs

I really love the Fall. It was always one of my favorite times of the year growing up. The temperatures were cooling down, basketball season was gearing up, and you had Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas packed close together. But, every Autumn since Mark died has been really hard. I've written about it before, so I won't rehash it now. This year, Fall started out differently though. I … [Read more...]

I Hate Columbus Day

I either love Columbus Day or I hate it. I hate it because it was the last day that Mark was home. The Tuesday after Columbus Day he went into the second hospital and never came back. I was off of work for Columbus Day and together with Mark's parents we decided that it would be the test day for Mark to see if he could take care of Nicholas by himself. Until then, Mark's parents stayed at our … [Read more...]

Conversations with Nicholas ~ Dog Heaven Edition

On the way to school early this week... Nicholas: Mom? Me: Yes? N: Do you think that Brittany [our dog who died about 1.5 years ago] has found Daddy Mark? In Heaven, I mean? M: Of course. I think that Daddy Mark was waiting for Brittany the second she got to Heaven. What do you think? N: I think so too. And I think they're playing fatch. M: "Fatch"? Do you mean "fetch"? N: No. Fatch. … [Read more...]

What’s In A Name?

adoption photo

He wanted to know when he would be a "Smith." That's how the conversation started, with Nicholas asking when he was going to be a "Smith" like the rest of us. William and I started having conversations about him adopting Nicholas before we even got married. We went back and forth mostly because we were under the false impression that N would lose his survivor's benefits from Social Security if … [Read more...]

Widow Wednesday: Movies Lie

In real life, comas aren't like they are in the movies. That may not be a surprise to you, but it was to me. I was shocked by so many things when Mark got sick and during his time in the hospital(s). Like his coma. They said he was in a coma, but I didn't believe them for a few days because it didn't look like comas look in the movies. I know. That's stupid, right? To be surprised that reality … [Read more...]