Hopefully someone noticed I hadn’t written in a while. Between it being “that time of the year” for me and life, I just didn’t make time to come over here. But, I’m back. You can all rest easy now! Because I have lots of minutiae to share. That’s right, I just used “minutiae”. Aren’t you glad I’m back?
I really love the Fall. It was always one of my favorite times of the year growing up. The temperatures were cooling down, basketball season was gearing up, and you had Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas packed close together. But, every Autumn since Mark died has been really hard. I’ve written about it before, so I won’t rehash it now.
This year, Fall started out differently though. I didn’t have the anxiety going in to October that I’ve had the past six years. I was making a conscious decision to not think too much. To avoid counting down the days. I did pretty good until Columbus Day, and then okay again after that day passed. I had a lot of hope for this year’s Autumn.
And then Abby got sick. Abby is N’s Aunt and one of his favorite people in the entire world. I’m not exaggerating, he loves her so much. But she’s in the hospital and not doing well. Her illness throws me back to Mark in the hospital because of the details that her daughter tells me. Levels and organ functions…things I believed I had forgotten. Turns out I haven’t. I still know what your Creatine levels should be when you’re healthy. So, here’s the deal. Nicholas’ beloved Aunt needs a new liver. She’s waiting and we’re waiting. And we can’t visit her because the kiddos have way too many germs to share. She’s not answering her mobile any more, it’s too emotionally difficult for her to talk. I don’t have much more to say except to tell her we love her and lots of people are praying (or sending good vibes or thoughts or healing), so I leave messages on her phone.
Right now I’m pretty pissed off at Fall again. I know it’s not Autumn’s fault, but crap this season is hard on my family. I’m trying not to dwell. And, as my wise friend, SueBob reminded me yesterday, there is something you can do to help Abby and others like her. Sign up to be an organ donor. I am. If you’re in Texas, go to www.donatelifeTexas.org to sign up to become an organ donor. It will take three minutes and could mean the world to a family in the future.
Chances are your liver won’t save Abby, but you might save someone else one day. I would love to hear that you’ve become an organ donor (or already are). And, of course, I’d love to hear that you’re praying or thinking of Abby.
How much longer will the first image of Mark that pops in to my brain be the one of him at the end?
How much longer will Autumn be bittersweet?
How much longer will I need my second husband to hold me while I cry for my first husband?
How much longer will I wonder if I made the right choices?
How much longer?