Ten (10)

Mark, I can't believe you have been gone 10 years. How has an entire decade passed? You didn't get to experience much of it, but I firmly believe the second you become a parent you hit a time warp. It's the only way to explain how fast the time has gone. Mark, you would be so proud of Nicholas. He's so beautiful, smart, empathetic and funny. He's trying to figure out sarcasm, but is so upset … [Read more...]

Cinnamon Brooms and Comas

Cinnamon brooms in the grocery store are how I know it's time. The smell hits me like a wall every year. It's so strong and it's supposed to be pleasant, but it's not, not any more. It used to be, I used to be excited when the cinnamon brooms were in the grocery store because that meant all the good things. Cooler weather, pumpkins, scary movies, candy pumpkins, Thanksgiving, cranberry sauce. It … [Read more...]

I Hate Columbus Day

I either love Columbus Day or I hate it. I hate it because it was the last day that Mark was home. The Tuesday after Columbus Day he went into the second hospital and never came back. I was off of work for Columbus Day and together with Mark's parents we decided that it would be the test day for Mark to see if he could take care of Nicholas by himself. Until then, Mark's parents stayed at our … [Read more...]

Conversations with Nicholas ~ Dog Heaven Edition

On the way to school early this week... Nicholas: Mom? Me: Yes? N: Do you think that Brittany [our dog who died about 1.5 years ago] has found Daddy Mark? In Heaven, I mean? M: Of course. I think that Daddy Mark was waiting for Brittany the second she got to Heaven. What do you think? N: I think so too. And I think they're playing fatch. M: "Fatch"? Do you mean "fetch"? N: No. Fatch. … [Read more...]

What’s In A Name?

adoption photo

He wanted to know when he would be a "Smith." That's how the conversation started, with Nicholas asking when he was going to be a "Smith" like the rest of us. William and I started having conversations about him adopting Nicholas before we even got married. We went back and forth mostly because we were under the false impression that N would lose his survivor's benefits from Social Security if … [Read more...]